Dear Agony Aunt,

I have always loved group singing and a few months ago I joined as a soprano in a choir in my area. However, I feel that the other sopranos are excluding me and making me feel like an outsider. It’s true that they have been there for a much longer time than me, but that’s no excuse to be unfriendly is it? Signed Out of Tune, Enmore

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Dear Out of Tune Enmore,

Without some more detail it is hard to know what might be the cause of you feeling you are being excluded. There are so many possibilities. I am not a psychologist so I’m flying blind here. But let’s give it a go. Questions:

• Is there something about you that is radically different from them, e.g., you come from another country like the North Shore?
• Are there long term patterns of doing things that are challenged by your breath of change?
• Do you have a better voice than them? Do you have a worse voice and sing flat?
• Does the conductor play favourites and give you great solos in spite of your being new?
• Does someone fancy you in a way that causes jealousy?
• Do you suffer from halitosis?

If it is too unpleasant you could leave and join a different choir but obviously you are mystified and want to know why. Maybe you could sequentially ask each one of them out for coffee and cake/ a drink/ to go bowling/ to join you at a concert/gig and see if they will share confidences. Or send a big bunch of flowers (with chocolates) to the whole choir and thank them for making you feel so welcome.